We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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