we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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