Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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