just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
