Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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