K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
