Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
