I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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