you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
