He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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