there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
