Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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