why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Did you pee in the oven last night??
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize