NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
