just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
