OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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