How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
