Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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