I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
