I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
