What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
