We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
