So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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