I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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