I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
