If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
