I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize