If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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