I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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