i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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