Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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