Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
