i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
