Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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