I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
