maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
