You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
