I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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