hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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