I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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