I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Randomize
