I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
