Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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