Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
