is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
