ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You are the jesus of drinking
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
