If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
