Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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