One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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