Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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