Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
