she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
