new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
