I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
