im having a threesome with these popsicles
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
