Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
