he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He kissed a someone with a penis
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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