Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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