she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
