i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
