I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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