4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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