Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
