she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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