So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
