i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
