i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
