Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
