theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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