Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
