I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
