lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
