Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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